Being femme and gay is basically living your life with an invisible disclaimer floating above your head:

“YES, I LIKE WOMEN. PLEASE STOP TRYING TO INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR COUSIN MARCUS.”

If you know, you know.

Femmes can walk into a lesbian bar wearing a crop top, Doc Martens, five rings, a carabiner, and enough rainbow accessories to qualify as Pride merchandise and somebody will still ask, “So, are you here supporting your friend?”

Ma’am.

I AM THE FRIEND WHO NEEDS SUPPORT.

Specifically from that gorgeous woman by the bar.

So, our favorite LGBTQ+ literary safe space, DinMag decided to survey 100 femme-identified sapphic women. We asked one simple question:

“How do you let another woman know you’re gay?”

The answers were witty, adorable, occasionally thirsty and so painfully relatable that I started taking notes.

Here are the responses that had me screaming.

1. “I Mention My Ex-Girlfriend Within the First Seven Minutes.”

Honestly? Efficient.

No flags. No announcements. No PowerPoint presentation. Just casual a conversation slide-in.

“My ex-girlfriend loved that restaurant.”

Boom.

Message delivered.

One femme told us, “I don’t even have to hate my ex anymore. She’s basically part of my marketing department.”

I respect it.

2. “I Wear a Rainbow Bracelet and Pray She Has Reading Comprehension.”

This was one of the most common strategies. Rainbow bracelets,necklaces, earring and Pride pins.

The problem?

Straight women wear rainbows too.

One woman said she spent an entire evening flirting with another woman who had a rainbow bracelet, only to discover the bracelet represented her kindergarten classroom.

I would have gone home immediately. Phone off. Curtains closed. Do not disturb until Thursday.

3. “Eye Contact. Then More Eye Contact. Then Gay Eye Contact.”

Now THIS deserves scientific investigation. Because apparently there’s regular eye contact.

And then there’s gay eye contact.

You know the one.

She looks.

You look.

She looks away.

You look away.

Then both of you look back approximately 1.7 seconds later.

Nobody has spoken.

Nobody has moved.

Yet somehow you’re already mentally “doin’ it”.

One femme described it perfectly:

“If I look at you twice, I’m being friendly. If I look at you three times and smile? Girl, come over here.”

Noted.

4. “I Compliment Something Straight Women Usually Don’t Notice.”

Apparently the compliment itself isn’t enough. It’s about how you compliment her.

“Cute shoes!” can be friendly.

“I love your rings” can be friendly.

But according to several respondents, the femme technique involves complimenting her while maintaining eye contact just a tiny bit too long.

One woman said:

“I tell her she smells good. That’s my Hail Mary.”

Ma’am. That is not a Hail Mary. That’s practically courtship.

5. “I Just Say, ‘Your Girlfriend Is Lucky.’”

Oh, she’s GOOD. Because this little sentence accomplishes several things.

First, you’re flirting. Second, you’re fishing for relationship status. Third, you’re giving her the opportunity to say the magical words:

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” (Especially if its not followed up with “I’m not into women.”)

And now?

The runway is clear.

One respondent called it “lesbian reconnaissance.”

The Pentagon could never.

6. “I Talk About Women Like a Man Would, Except Respectfully.”

I nearly fell out of my chair.

Her explanation?

“I casually mention that Janelle Monáe could ruin my credit and I’d probably apologize.”

Valid.

Another femme said she brings up celebrity crushes because it’s the easiest way to wave the gay flag without actually waving one.

Mention Tessa Thompson.

Mention Megan Thee Stallion.

Mention Victoria Monét.

Then watch her reaction carefully. If she responds with enthusiasm?

Proceed.

If she responds with too much enthusiasm?

Start planning the date.

7. “I Make Sure She Sees My Phone Wallpaper.”

This one was adorable because apparently some femmes are using technology as bait.

Pride wallpaper.

A sapphic meme.

A photo from Pride.

One woman said her lock screen simply reads: “Pretty girls make me nervous.”

I have nothing to add.

That’s journalism.

8. “I Say ‘I’m Gay.’ Apparently Subtlety Wasn’t Working.”

Several femmes have abandoned the entire signaling industry.

They’re tired.

They tried the rings, the boots, the Pride accessories.

They tried mentioning The L Word.

Nothing.

One respondent told us:

“I flirted with a woman for three months before she told me she didn’t know I liked women. Now I just announce it like a flight attendant.”

Welcome aboard Lesbian Airlines.

Emergency exits are located here, here and directly beside the woman you’ve been flirting with since Memorial Day.

9. “I Ask Her Out. Revolutionary, I Know.”

Excuse me while I clutch my pearls.

You mean instead of exchanging meaningful Instagram story likes for six months, we can simply communicate?

Apparently.

One femme said:

“If she’s cute, I ask if she’s single. I’m 34. I have bills. I don’t have time for lesbian Morse code.”

Sexy.

10. “I Let My Friends Do the Advertising.”

Sometimes outsourcing is the answer. Several femmes said their friends become unofficial publicists whenever an attractive woman appears.

“Oh, Kaylah? She’s single.”

Nobody asked.

“She dates women.”

Still nobody asked.

“She thinks you’re cute.”

HELLO?!

One respondent said:

“My best friend has absolutely no discretion, which becomes extremely useful around beautiful women.”

That’s not a friend.

That’s an agent.

Give her 10%.

Bonus: “I Follow Her on Instagram Before She Even Leaves.”

The modern femme mating ritual:

Meet.

Talk.

Smile.

Exchange Instagram handles.

Go home.

Like one photo.

ONE.

Do not accidentally like anything from 2019.

We are flirting, not conducting archaeology.

Then comes the strategic Story reaction.

🔥 = I’m interested.

😍 = I’m very interested.

“Where is this?” = I have manufactured a reason to speak to you again because vulnerability terrifies me.

Social media has truly revolutionized romance.

And complicated it beyond recognition.

So, How Does a Femme Let Another Woman Know She’s Gay?

Based on our survey of 100 extremely entertaining femmes, there appears to be no universal answer.

Some wear Pride jewelry.

Some deploy strategic ex-girlfriend references.

Some flirt.

Some use Instagram.

Some maintain eye contact powerful enough to alter Earth’s gravitational field.

And some simply say:

“Hey, I’m into women.”

But perhaps the bigger question isn’t how femmes can make themselves look more visibly queer. Maybe we should stop assuming femininity automatically means heterosexuality.

Because femme women aren’t hiding. Sometimes y’all just aren’t reading the signs.

And ladies, if a beautiful femme compliments your perfume, asks whether you’re single, mentions her ex-girlfriend, buys you a drink, follows you on Instagram and stares into your eyes like she’s trying to access your Wi-Fi password…

Please.

For the love of Sappho.

Consider the possibility that she is flirting with you.

Join the DinMag Conversation

Now I need to hear from you!

How do YOU let another woman know you’re gay?

Are you rocking Pride accessories? Dropping the ex-girlfriend into conversation? Going straight for the flirt? Or are you still standing across the room making aggressive eye contact and hoping she receives the lesbian telepathy transmission?

Drop your answer in the comments and subscribe to DinMag.com for more sapphic dating, culture, relationships and queer randomness.